Games That Play Us
by Pineapple Bacardi
Summary: Slash. Throughout the years, these forbidden moments were all that they could hope for. Moments of weakness, moments of want, moments of joy, moments of just needing each other. Merlin/Arthur.


_The stillness of your eyes convinces me that I don't know a thing and I've been around the world._

It had all started a few months after the wedding. Merlin found himself wondering some things. There were a few things he seemed to have forgotten and he was practically dying to find an answer. He found himself wondering when the last time was that he kissed Arthur. It was killing him that he couldn't remember it, but it wasn't like he could go up and ask Arthur. Those months after the wedding were painful for Merlin, almost unbearable, and he found himself avoiding Arthur more than he thought was possible. It wasn't really that hard anyway; only a week after the wedding Merlin had been appointed Court Sorcerer and the job came with a whole new load of responsibilities that kept Merlin busy out of his mind. Merlin had busied himself the only way he knew how, burying his mind in learning spells and potions. It worked… for a while.

Of course, as the Court Sorcerer, Merlin was requested by the King to attend the occasional banquets, feasts, and evening dinners, but Merlin constantly rejected the dinners and rarely showed up. Merlin knew very well he was getting on Arthur's last nerves with these rejections; it was after all, like rejecting the King himself. But Merlin knew that Arthur would never truly do something about it, he would scold the Sorcerer, yes, but Merlin knew he had the power in this situation. Perhaps Arthur thought Merlin just needed time. Instead of attending the evening events, Merlin kept himself locked away in his new, private chambers where he every day learned new things about magic. Now, he also got to require all the equipment he needed.

Everything had started one late afternoon when Arthur had stormed into the chambers, sweaty and quite irritated-looking still wearing his chain mail, but he smiled slightly at the sight of Merlin sitting by his desk, sheets of papers spread all over it. Arthur stumbled over some books and swore loudly. Merlin tried to remember how the whole thing had gone from Arthur scolding Merlin for the filthy mess the room was in to Arthur shoving Merlin up against the wall, kissing him as if life depended on it.

Arthur had demanded for Merlin to show up for the dinner feast that night but Merlin merely responded, eyes on the sheet of paper in front of him, that he wasn't the least bit hungry. Arthur sighed in irritation and grabbed the piece of paper Merlin was reading. Merlin sprang to his feet, piercing Arthur with angry eyes. Arthur glared back with his best _I-am-your-king-and-you-will-obey-me _looks but Merlin just pushed Arthur out of the way and somehow a few seconds later he had ended up pressed against the wall, Arthur's hands rooming across his body, rubbing, feeling, while his tongue explored Merlin's mouth, Merlin's lips parting for Arthur. Arthur's kisses were just like Merlin remembered them to be, hot, hungry and demanding, seeking to mark, seeking to own. Merlin pressed his body against Arthur's, rubbing against him, moaning, savouring the pleasure of the moment. He had missed this so much. It took all the restraint in his body to pull away, but Merlin did.

"Arthur, _no_," Merlin whispered, his eyes closed, breathing Arthur's air.

"I miss you so much," Arthur confessed, his voice cracking only slightly.

The rawness and vulnerability in Arthur's tone staggered Merlin and they once again found themselves back in their embrace. They should've stopped there, before things got out of control, but both of them were far too deep to ever pull away again. As Arthur took Merlin to his bed, Merlin tried to remember that they were not the same people as they once were. Arthur was a married man now. But somehow they still couldn't stay away. It had become too hard for both of them, so they simply just did the only thing they could do, they gave in to each other.

Throughout the years, these forbidden moments were all that they could hope for. Moments of weakness, moments of want, moments of joy, moments of just needing each other. In the end, it was all they had and Merlin couldn't expect any more.

_Go to him, stay with him if you can, but be prepared to bleed._


End file.
